So I usually get outta night shift around 1 am. But the night that I was supposed to take Chloe to get her wisdom teeth out at 7 am...I didn't get done until 2:30 am. Then I came home and was starving and so I and ate a huge bowl of pasta and didn't go to bed until 4:30 am. I had to get up at 6:30 am to take her so I didn't sleep.
At 7:30, in the oral surgeons office, I asked casually about how they were going to sedate her. The receptionist looked at me and told me her "sedation specialist" would be out to speak with me.
A guy named Jay came out and told me that they were using propanol,versed,fentanyl and ketamine.
I almost fainted. I have been a pediatrician 20 years and only use those drugs to sedate a person in a situation where I have nurses, a respiratory therapist, an on location anesthesiologist, and other MD's around in case I have a child who has an anesthesia complication.
I was a little strung out because of no sleep when I asked to speak to the oral surgeon doing the procedure. I made him go through his whole training. Then questioned him to the point that he showed me every drug in his office. Then,all of his airway tools. I asked him to make sure the light worked on all laryngoscopes ( used to put breathing tubes in unconscious people) . He showed me monitors, defibrillator pads and defibrillator.
I asked to be in there during the procedure. As I walked by his tray of tools I mostly wanted to take Chloe and run. He said "No" to me being in the room during procedure ( good for him).
He had that look on his face like he wanted to poke me in the eye but was placating me because I was a doc in the community and he didn't want me to say bad things about him.
His assistant, Amy, looked at me like I might have needed to be escorted out by security.
Chloe, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber. She looked at Doc and his staff...Jay and Amy, and said... "My mom is having an anxiety attack. She always freaks out if one of us is sick or hurt.".
This is the same child who just two years ago was so embarrassed by my very presence that she made me drop her off at high school ....500 ft away from entrance so no one would see me. The same child that banned me from going to any sports event where she was cheering. The same daughter that begged me to GO TO BED if she had friends over. The one that would NOT let us have dinner at any restaurant on Flagler Ave because someone from her school might work at the restaurant.
It is true. The child that worships the ground you walk on as a baby through about 10 years old ....thinks you are the biggest doofus ever as age 11 hits.
Then miraculously...same kid has an epiphany and puts up with your parent anxiety and actually wants to be around you....
Why? How?
All I can say is that when Chloe wanted her space from me...I let her. Was I hurt? Not really. I knew I would be beside her even in the background. I let her know that I was there for her and even though she was mortified by my very presence...I continued to ask about her life and friends and offer to take her and her friends places and do anything she asked of me to make her life amazing. And YES I did sign up for this when I found out I was pregnant with her.
So many parents bust their ass to accommodate their kids when they are little. Soccer parents. ..Dance and cheer parents. Going to every event. ..Buying every uniform and driving to every event and joining every parent group.
But what do we do when they grow out of travel soccer and out of competitive cheer? How do we support our pre-teen and teen when they don't want us but still NEED us?
It is so easy to be let down as a parent. We are so easily hurt by our children's denial of us and apparent disgust towards us. All adolescents go through a transition from child to adult that starts early. Unfortunately, puberty...along with all the physical changes...causes emotional changes as well. It seems unfair to have a rush of hormones descend upon a perfectly happy little girl or little boy.
If WE are having a rough time with it then think about how THEY feel. All of a sudden....looks matter....body shape matters...popularity matters...clothes matter....
An imaginary audience of everyone looking at them and judging them for everything.
I see so many parents freak out about their "baby" being defiant and questioning their authority as they transition from concrete thinkers to abstract thinkers. These parents think that it is time to tighten the reigns and draw that child back into the "child" instead of fostering the adolescent that they are becoming. NO FACEBOOK>>>NO INSTAGRAM>>>NO SNAPCHAT>>>...Anything to keep them a child.
That is a mistake. Go with them into this transition. Gain their trust. Let hem know as they enter social media that you will be there for them. Let them know and understand the boundaries. They will fuck up. When they do...EXPLAIN...
Don't rush to judge as they will already feel judged by their peers. Lay down some boundaries early that you explore WITH them so they understand the potential consequences. If they have situations that are a little boundarish....by all means let them know... that it is ok... to let you know so you can trouble shoot with them ahead of time.
My Chloe went from being totally mortified by my very existence to calmly letting me freak out in front of very competent colleagues because I have supported her through her adolescence so far and communicated with her for the whole 6 or 7 years through thick and thin. She trusts me and I have been by her side and her advocate no matter what.
Easy to love and care for them when they are babies and children and rely on you for everything. More challenging to love and care for them as they grow into young adults. The lines are not as black and white.
Chloe's surgery went well. The Doc shook my hand but still must be shaking his head at me. The assistant Amy ended up hugging me.
I'm absolutely losing it that she is leaving for college. We both cry. But, just like I was strong on the day she went to kindergarten and achieved every other milestone, I will be strong for this transition.
Love your adolescents... they will soon be adultsish.
