Deer season for me happened months earlier. In fact, it was the middle of August. For some reason my girls and everyone else in Mon. County had to go to school in the prime of summer
Get up...wake girls..pack nutritious lunches...argue about who is wearing someone else's clothes..miss bus for big girls...take all 4 to drop off big girls at big girl school in nightgown and no shoes and no bra...drop off big girls...nearly run out of gas in nightgown and no shoes and no bra ...rush home...yell at little girls to hustle..little girls cry...miss bus for little girls...jump back in car with little girls ..still.. nightgown and no shoes and no bra...notice gas light in drop off line...recall nutritious lunches on counter at home..drop off little girls...go to Cress Point gas station in nightgown and no shoes and no bra... pump 2.37$ in gas from collected change in console...get home and rush nutritious lunches back to little girl school in nightgown and no shoes and no bra...thankfully spot other late mom with appropriate clothing entering school...smile and ask her to deliver nutritious lunches to little girls...kind mom with bewildered look at my nightgown and no shoes and no bra obliges....go home and ditch nightgown...thankful that there are no shoes and no bra..shower...throw on scrubs...with shoes and bra...bring make-up bag to go...arrive 20 min late...apologize genuinely to 9 o'clock patient and office manager.
Home at 5pm. Drive Chloe to cheer, Liza to choir with little girls in tow.... ignore little girls pleas to cheer, dance, tumble, sing, act, etc..Go home start dinner...feed little girls...throw them in car...think of impending and annoying gas light..rush upstairs to little girls piggy bank and extract 5.50$...go to Cress Point gas station...drive to get big girls on opposite sides of town..receive angry texts from said big girls demanding to know where I am and why I'm always late....head home with all 4 girls...warm cold dinner for big girls while doing homework with little girls...bathe little girls..ignore hideous kitchen...
Fall helplessly into bed. No nutritious lunch pre-packed...no school clothes picked out for next day...no more gas in car...
Sleep soundly with nightgown on with no bra and no shoes...waiting to wake up again...like a deer in the headlights.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Ready to Breastfeed the dog
I'm ready to breastfeed the Dog
There is something about nursing a baby that is just addicting. I haven't nursed a child in 3 1/2 years...
I look at Patti Malone nursing Rosie and I just get goosebumps! I'd love to have another baby just to nurse her..and yes the babe would be a "her".
That said, I had the worst time ever breastfeeding my first baby. I had an impromptu c-section after 200000 hours of labor and I was exhausted. About 3 hours after Chloe was taken from my womb...a nurse told me to breastfeed her. I couldn't even feel my legs but being a board certified pediatrician ..I could hardly say "Ahh ..no thanks". So I put that sweet girl on my breast after a L & D nurse showed me a thing or two about latching and let her have at it.
It wasn't so bad. 15 min each side. Then I fell into a well deserved coma just to have a nurse wake me up with a screaming baby. "Time to nurse her Doc ! "
Really? Its been only 2 hours. In the Nicu ...babies didn't cry. They fed them every three hours. They appeared content.
Well, I nursed Chloe again. This time they left her with me because I could feel my legs a little. That girl screamed all night long...unless she was nursing.
I must have missed the day in med school where they explained that the "Milk" didn't come in so quickly with a c-section. I was convinced that my body didn't make milk and that Chloe was going to starve and that I might die of exhaustion and that I would be the only female pediatrician that couldn't breastfeed.
By the 3rd day I cringed every time I saw Chloe cry. My Indian dad said ( please read this with an Indian accent) " She is hungry..you must feed her! "
I'd latch her on and my toes would curl in pain. The anesthesiologist could have put the epidural needle in my eye and in would've hurt less. The breastfeeding consultant swore up and down that it shouldn't hurt. YEAH..RIGHT!! It hurt. The virgin nipple has never endured a hungry baby sucking relentlessly on it for 15-20 min every 2-3 hours. For men, I describe it as a baby sucking on their scrotum every two hours. Most men cringe...but understand.
Football hold, across hold, stand on my head and crochet hold...Didn't matter..just freakin HURT.
By the third day at home I was delirious. I was so tired and I just sat in a chair and breastfed and cried. One time the doorbell rang ( you know people send u all kinds of stuff with the first babe..not so much the 4th) and I got up in my nursing jammies and bra and answered the door. It was the UPS man. I graciously took the package and signed. He thanked me and walked away. I turned around and noticed that my breast was hanging out. Lets just say that I left a note for UPS to leave all packages..for the next 2 years.
This went on for 3 weeks. Chloe was getting HUGE but I refused to see it. I was convinced that I didn't make enough milk. She had grown out of all of her teenie clothes and into newborn clothes but all rationale had left me. I was nuts ( please refer to other post in which I describe becoming post-par tum).
Somewhere along the line..about 3 1/2 weeks later I fell in love with breastfeeding. My nipples were tough enough to hang two bowling balls from each and run a marathon. I could quiet Chloe and look at her while nursing her and know that she was getting PLENTY of milk. I took her into the office to confirm and that little kitten had gained a POUND...all from ME....The postpartum,sleep deprived, breast flashing mom who cried at every commercial and song.
Breastfeeding IS NOT NATURAL. It is a learned skill by mother and child. It takes practice and perseverance and trouble shooting. I am so committed to teaching moms to breastfeed and to not feel guilty and to not beat themselves up over being anxious about the amount of milk that THEY ARE producing.
I'm impressed that we as a society have survived. Back in the day..there were no L&D nurses or breastfeeding consultants or classes. Before bottles... women HAD to nurse their babies. I told myself this every time Chloe latched on for the first few weeks. This helped me for some reason.
Also..(.OH GOD...ALL BREASTFEEDING CONSULTANTS BEWARE...I'M GOING TO SAY IT) I supplemented a little at first to assuage my Catholic mothers guilt that I wasn't making enough milk. It wasn't for the baby...it was for me. I might have quit altogether if I thought that I couldn't nourish Chloe with my breast milk. I'd feed her 15 min on each breast then offer her 15 ml of formula. By the third week she promptly threw it up on me...a sign that she was too full. Then I quit giving her supplements.
My point is that new breastfeeding mommas need support. I love helping moms with breastfeeding. I will see them weekly or twice a week to show them that their baby is gaining. I work on a latch that isn't as painful ( my "sucker fish" latch). I should patent it. It works.
HANG IN THERE!! GIVE IT 3 WEEKS AND YOU WILL LOVE IT!!
Now I'm 43 and after breastfeeding 4 girls for a year each...I'm dying to breastfeed again...and OK I'm not really going to breastfeed my 200 lb English Mastiff ( even though he thinks he grew in my belly and that I nursed him for a year and that he is a little human girl).
I'll get satisfaction by helping my patients breastfeed if they choose. It will be fun and real and successful!!
There is something about nursing a baby that is just addicting. I haven't nursed a child in 3 1/2 years...
I look at Patti Malone nursing Rosie and I just get goosebumps! I'd love to have another baby just to nurse her..and yes the babe would be a "her".
That said, I had the worst time ever breastfeeding my first baby. I had an impromptu c-section after 200000 hours of labor and I was exhausted. About 3 hours after Chloe was taken from my womb...a nurse told me to breastfeed her. I couldn't even feel my legs but being a board certified pediatrician ..I could hardly say "Ahh ..no thanks". So I put that sweet girl on my breast after a L & D nurse showed me a thing or two about latching and let her have at it.
It wasn't so bad. 15 min each side. Then I fell into a well deserved coma just to have a nurse wake me up with a screaming baby. "Time to nurse her Doc ! "
Really? Its been only 2 hours. In the Nicu ...babies didn't cry. They fed them every three hours. They appeared content.
Well, I nursed Chloe again. This time they left her with me because I could feel my legs a little. That girl screamed all night long...unless she was nursing.
I must have missed the day in med school where they explained that the "Milk" didn't come in so quickly with a c-section. I was convinced that my body didn't make milk and that Chloe was going to starve and that I might die of exhaustion and that I would be the only female pediatrician that couldn't breastfeed.
By the 3rd day I cringed every time I saw Chloe cry. My Indian dad said ( please read this with an Indian accent) " She is hungry..you must feed her! "
I'd latch her on and my toes would curl in pain. The anesthesiologist could have put the epidural needle in my eye and in would've hurt less. The breastfeeding consultant swore up and down that it shouldn't hurt. YEAH..RIGHT!! It hurt. The virgin nipple has never endured a hungry baby sucking relentlessly on it for 15-20 min every 2-3 hours. For men, I describe it as a baby sucking on their scrotum every two hours. Most men cringe...but understand.
Football hold, across hold, stand on my head and crochet hold...Didn't matter..just freakin HURT.
By the third day at home I was delirious. I was so tired and I just sat in a chair and breastfed and cried. One time the doorbell rang ( you know people send u all kinds of stuff with the first babe..not so much the 4th) and I got up in my nursing jammies and bra and answered the door. It was the UPS man. I graciously took the package and signed. He thanked me and walked away. I turned around and noticed that my breast was hanging out. Lets just say that I left a note for UPS to leave all packages..for the next 2 years.
This went on for 3 weeks. Chloe was getting HUGE but I refused to see it. I was convinced that I didn't make enough milk. She had grown out of all of her teenie clothes and into newborn clothes but all rationale had left me. I was nuts ( please refer to other post in which I describe becoming post-par tum).
Somewhere along the line..about 3 1/2 weeks later I fell in love with breastfeeding. My nipples were tough enough to hang two bowling balls from each and run a marathon. I could quiet Chloe and look at her while nursing her and know that she was getting PLENTY of milk. I took her into the office to confirm and that little kitten had gained a POUND...all from ME....The postpartum,sleep deprived, breast flashing mom who cried at every commercial and song.
Breastfeeding IS NOT NATURAL. It is a learned skill by mother and child. It takes practice and perseverance and trouble shooting. I am so committed to teaching moms to breastfeed and to not feel guilty and to not beat themselves up over being anxious about the amount of milk that THEY ARE producing.
I'm impressed that we as a society have survived. Back in the day..there were no L&D nurses or breastfeeding consultants or classes. Before bottles... women HAD to nurse their babies. I told myself this every time Chloe latched on for the first few weeks. This helped me for some reason.
Also..(.OH GOD...ALL BREASTFEEDING CONSULTANTS BEWARE...I'M GOING TO SAY IT) I supplemented a little at first to assuage my Catholic mothers guilt that I wasn't making enough milk. It wasn't for the baby...it was for me. I might have quit altogether if I thought that I couldn't nourish Chloe with my breast milk. I'd feed her 15 min on each breast then offer her 15 ml of formula. By the third week she promptly threw it up on me...a sign that she was too full. Then I quit giving her supplements.
My point is that new breastfeeding mommas need support. I love helping moms with breastfeeding. I will see them weekly or twice a week to show them that their baby is gaining. I work on a latch that isn't as painful ( my "sucker fish" latch). I should patent it. It works.
HANG IN THERE!! GIVE IT 3 WEEKS AND YOU WILL LOVE IT!!
Now I'm 43 and after breastfeeding 4 girls for a year each...I'm dying to breastfeed again...and OK I'm not really going to breastfeed my 200 lb English Mastiff ( even though he thinks he grew in my belly and that I nursed him for a year and that he is a little human girl).
I'll get satisfaction by helping my patients breastfeed if they choose. It will be fun and real and successful!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
teenager....angst vs depression
It's amazing how my sweet little tantrum throwers have a few years of normalcy and then become morose...labile...critical...crazy girls.
I remember being about 10 or 11 and feeling miserable at times for no reason. It stayed until I went to college.
I had good times...even great times...but when I felt lousy.....BOY did I feel like crap.
Retrospectively, I felt then like I felt when I had post partum depression or like I do now when I have PMS.
Thank God for 43 years to sort THAT out.
Our young ones have no experience with teenage/pubertal angst. One day they are playing with toys and playing school and the next they are sobbing over a hang nail.
What the hell would we think if we woke up one day and nothing was quite right? Even though everything was the same.
Now I know enough to know that when that happens.....I can expect my period in 48 hours.
It's all about brain chemistry. In puberty, hormones come into play and change the level of serotonin in your child's brain.
It is a good thing in one way because they are no longer the happy go lucky child that thinks that life is a carefree and structured environment that their grown up controls. If kids stayed that way...hell...we'd still be wiping their butts and making them brush their teeth and shower at 17...
The drop in serotonin makes them a little more anxious. More self sufficient..more aware of other's perception of them.. More aware of world events...consequences...deadlines...appearance...social order..differences in peer groups..etc..etc..etc
In 1st grade when a classmate had a birthday party...everyone went and had a blast. No attention was paid to what was worn, who came, who didn't, what gift was given...everything was equal. Children of that age can't perceive abstract ideas. They don't care about social structure or popularity or appearance.
All of a sudden the kid that you have to threaten with taking away all that is precious to her in order for her to shower and brush her teeth...is up every morning before you..putting on make-up ...looking like a million bucks.
Psychiatrists have a term called 'imaginary audience" to describe the phenomenon that pubertal kids feel when they perceive that everyone is watching them. This is a manifestation of social awareness and /or social anxiety.
If it goes well..it's social awareness. They become more concerned about their appearance and hygiene. They notice differences in peers and choose people they feel comfortable with being around.
If it doesn't they go into overdrive and have social anxiety and are freaked out and become a bit recluse. Then they get down and are lonely or search out others like them.
Now, add in bullying. An awkward teen, anxious about where she fits in...who is so backward that people target her and bully her.....
Now the friendly and undiscriminating first grader ....becomes pubescent and notices social status, body habitus, appearance, economic status, intelligence, athletic ability...etc..etc
Cliques are formed. Power struggles beyond "who gets the best barbie" ensue. Feelings are hurt. Kids are ostracized based on any and everything.
It happens to every kid.
How they deal with it determines whether they sink or swim. Some kids have a genetic tendency for depression and anxiety. They may become depressed. They may act out, become recluse, cry a lot, drop grades, gain weight, join a peer group that is different but accepting, experiment with drugs and alcohol, skip school....etc etc
Others go with the flow and are appropriately challenged but overcome with healthy techniques like talking with parents, teachers, guidance counsellors, friends...
Staying involved with healthy activities is another coping mechanism that is successful.
Kids that delve into depression may cut themselves and/or become uncharacteristically angry or reclusive or sneaky.
The Internet both helps and hurts. For some it is a way to connect without feeling socially self conscious. Joining a group or chat room may be a healthy outlet. For others, they may connect with the wrong people that will influence their need to be accepted by steering them in inappropriate directions. Also, the Internet and texting and facebook and tweeting doesn't give them a break if they are being bullied.
It is so important to recognize the difference between pubescent angst and real depression/social anxiety. How these adolescents resolve this time in their lives is critical to how they will negotiate and perceive their self worth in life.
If you are concerned about how your adolescent is handling this inevitable change then get him/her an appointment with a health care professional. You have nothing to lose.
I wish that I had the opportunity to feel better during my adolescent years. Retrospectively, it felt like I had the same feelings that I do when PMS."ing"or when I had post partum anxiety and depression but I had no reference for that at that time.
Talk to your adolescent. Pull it out of them!! They are as scared and confused about why they are suddenly feeling different as you are about them turning into a stranger.
Trust me..
I remember being about 10 or 11 and feeling miserable at times for no reason. It stayed until I went to college.
I had good times...even great times...but when I felt lousy.....BOY did I feel like crap.
Retrospectively, I felt then like I felt when I had post partum depression or like I do now when I have PMS.
Thank God for 43 years to sort THAT out.
Our young ones have no experience with teenage/pubertal angst. One day they are playing with toys and playing school and the next they are sobbing over a hang nail.
What the hell would we think if we woke up one day and nothing was quite right? Even though everything was the same.
Now I know enough to know that when that happens.....I can expect my period in 48 hours.
It's all about brain chemistry. In puberty, hormones come into play and change the level of serotonin in your child's brain.
It is a good thing in one way because they are no longer the happy go lucky child that thinks that life is a carefree and structured environment that their grown up controls. If kids stayed that way...hell...we'd still be wiping their butts and making them brush their teeth and shower at 17...
The drop in serotonin makes them a little more anxious. More self sufficient..more aware of other's perception of them.. More aware of world events...consequences...deadlines...appearance...social order..differences in peer groups..etc..etc..etc
In 1st grade when a classmate had a birthday party...everyone went and had a blast. No attention was paid to what was worn, who came, who didn't, what gift was given...everything was equal. Children of that age can't perceive abstract ideas. They don't care about social structure or popularity or appearance.
All of a sudden the kid that you have to threaten with taking away all that is precious to her in order for her to shower and brush her teeth...is up every morning before you..putting on make-up ...looking like a million bucks.
Psychiatrists have a term called 'imaginary audience" to describe the phenomenon that pubertal kids feel when they perceive that everyone is watching them. This is a manifestation of social awareness and /or social anxiety.
If it goes well..it's social awareness. They become more concerned about their appearance and hygiene. They notice differences in peers and choose people they feel comfortable with being around.
If it doesn't they go into overdrive and have social anxiety and are freaked out and become a bit recluse. Then they get down and are lonely or search out others like them.
Now, add in bullying. An awkward teen, anxious about where she fits in...who is so backward that people target her and bully her.....
Now the friendly and undiscriminating first grader ....becomes pubescent and notices social status, body habitus, appearance, economic status, intelligence, athletic ability...etc..etc
Cliques are formed. Power struggles beyond "who gets the best barbie" ensue. Feelings are hurt. Kids are ostracized based on any and everything.
It happens to every kid.
How they deal with it determines whether they sink or swim. Some kids have a genetic tendency for depression and anxiety. They may become depressed. They may act out, become recluse, cry a lot, drop grades, gain weight, join a peer group that is different but accepting, experiment with drugs and alcohol, skip school....etc etc
Others go with the flow and are appropriately challenged but overcome with healthy techniques like talking with parents, teachers, guidance counsellors, friends...
Staying involved with healthy activities is another coping mechanism that is successful.
Kids that delve into depression may cut themselves and/or become uncharacteristically angry or reclusive or sneaky.
The Internet both helps and hurts. For some it is a way to connect without feeling socially self conscious. Joining a group or chat room may be a healthy outlet. For others, they may connect with the wrong people that will influence their need to be accepted by steering them in inappropriate directions. Also, the Internet and texting and facebook and tweeting doesn't give them a break if they are being bullied.
It is so important to recognize the difference between pubescent angst and real depression/social anxiety. How these adolescents resolve this time in their lives is critical to how they will negotiate and perceive their self worth in life.
If you are concerned about how your adolescent is handling this inevitable change then get him/her an appointment with a health care professional. You have nothing to lose.
I wish that I had the opportunity to feel better during my adolescent years. Retrospectively, it felt like I had the same feelings that I do when PMS."ing"or when I had post partum anxiety and depression but I had no reference for that at that time.
Talk to your adolescent. Pull it out of them!! They are as scared and confused about why they are suddenly feeling different as you are about them turning into a stranger.
Trust me..
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