It's amazing how my sweet little tantrum throwers have a few years of normalcy and then become morose...labile...critical...crazy girls.
I remember being about 10 or 11 and feeling miserable at times for no reason. It stayed until I went to college.
I had good times...even great times...but when I felt lousy.....BOY did I feel like crap.
Retrospectively, I felt then like I felt when I had post partum depression or like I do now when I have PMS.
Thank God for 43 years to sort THAT out.
Our young ones have no experience with teenage/pubertal angst. One day they are playing with toys and playing school and the next they are sobbing over a hang nail.
What the hell would we think if we woke up one day and nothing was quite right? Even though everything was the same.
Now I know enough to know that when that happens.....I can expect my period in 48 hours.
It's all about brain chemistry. In puberty, hormones come into play and change the level of serotonin in your child's brain.
It is a good thing in one way because they are no longer the happy go lucky child that thinks that life is a carefree and structured environment that their grown up controls. If kids stayed that way...hell...we'd still be wiping their butts and making them brush their teeth and shower at 17...
The drop in serotonin makes them a little more anxious. More self sufficient..more aware of other's perception of them.. More aware of world events...consequences...deadlines...appearance...social order..differences in peer groups..etc..etc..etc
In 1st grade when a classmate had a birthday party...everyone went and had a blast. No attention was paid to what was worn, who came, who didn't, what gift was given...everything was equal. Children of that age can't perceive abstract ideas. They don't care about social structure or popularity or appearance.
All of a sudden the kid that you have to threaten with taking away all that is precious to her in order for her to shower and brush her teeth...is up every morning before you..putting on make-up ...looking like a million bucks.
Psychiatrists have a term called 'imaginary audience" to describe the phenomenon that pubertal kids feel when they perceive that everyone is watching them. This is a manifestation of social awareness and /or social anxiety.
If it goes well..it's social awareness. They become more concerned about their appearance and hygiene. They notice differences in peers and choose people they feel comfortable with being around.
If it doesn't they go into overdrive and have social anxiety and are freaked out and become a bit recluse. Then they get down and are lonely or search out others like them.
Now, add in bullying. An awkward teen, anxious about where she fits in...who is so backward that people target her and bully her.....
Now the friendly and undiscriminating first grader ....becomes pubescent and notices social status, body habitus, appearance, economic status, intelligence, athletic ability...etc..etc
Cliques are formed. Power struggles beyond "who gets the best barbie" ensue. Feelings are hurt. Kids are ostracized based on any and everything.
It happens to every kid.
How they deal with it determines whether they sink or swim. Some kids have a genetic tendency for depression and anxiety. They may become depressed. They may act out, become recluse, cry a lot, drop grades, gain weight, join a peer group that is different but accepting, experiment with drugs and alcohol, skip school....etc etc
Others go with the flow and are appropriately challenged but overcome with healthy techniques like talking with parents, teachers, guidance counsellors, friends...
Staying involved with healthy activities is another coping mechanism that is successful.
Kids that delve into depression may cut themselves and/or become uncharacteristically angry or reclusive or sneaky.
The Internet both helps and hurts. For some it is a way to connect without feeling socially self conscious. Joining a group or chat room may be a healthy outlet. For others, they may connect with the wrong people that will influence their need to be accepted by steering them in inappropriate directions. Also, the Internet and texting and facebook and tweeting doesn't give them a break if they are being bullied.
It is so important to recognize the difference between pubescent angst and real depression/social anxiety. How these adolescents resolve this time in their lives is critical to how they will negotiate and perceive their self worth in life.
If you are concerned about how your adolescent is handling this inevitable change then get him/her an appointment with a health care professional. You have nothing to lose.
I wish that I had the opportunity to feel better during my adolescent years. Retrospectively, it felt like I had the same feelings that I do when PMS."ing"or when I had post partum anxiety and depression but I had no reference for that at that time.
Talk to your adolescent. Pull it out of them!! They are as scared and confused about why they are suddenly feeling different as you are about them turning into a stranger.
Trust me..
